Hello you! My lovely reader type person, you. I’ve missed your eyes over here, how have you been? I see that rash has cleared up, and you’re walking better now, which is nice. I’d lose the eye patch though, that's so last season darling.
Anyone want to hear how my week went?
Just to recap, I started my new job on Monday. I am working for a Government funded programme that aims to aid the unemployed gain entry back into the job market. It has been a really long and intense week, and I was pretty surprised to not find my brain leaking out of my ears on Friday like warm pink porridge, but I have to say, I have really been enjoying it so far.
The small group of new starters are a really friendly bunch, so that kind of made it a bit easier at the start due to the fact we all were in the same boat and seemed to bond pretty quickly. So far my odd sense of humour hasn’t got me into any awkward situations yet, but I’m sure there will be a moment where my mouth will be two steps ahead of my brain, and I will say something that will make the other person stare at me intently and suddenly start looking for the nearest exit.
The training itself has been excellent. Each day has left us with more and more of an understanding of what the role will entail, so at no point have I felt like I was fumbling around in the unknown, and the people that work there couldn’t be any friendlier and accommodating, which is a great help for slowly blending in.
It’s been a pretty varied week. I have sat in on some of the workshops/classes that I will be running, rung potential employers, practised appointment techniques, created pitches that will be presented to local job centres, and all of it totally out of my normal comfort zone. In fact it’s felt like the equivalent of being chucked stark bollock naked out of an aeroplane without a parachute and with two angry scorpions super glued to my testicles. But that's the exciting thing about it, where it is so new and alien to me, it’s a totally new challenge, which is exactly what I have needed after stagnating for the past seven months. I really can’t wait to get started to be honest.
I finished the week off by meeting up with some friends last night and going “Mega Large” in London. Though to be honest, as I was so tired, they would probably have had more fun if they dug up a two week old corpse, stuck it on a motorised scooter, and then made it do lazy figures of eights round the club we were in, dropping various rotting body parts as it wove between the usual collection of pisssed up mongs that you find out on the town on a Friday night. Plus it would have looked more alive than I felt as well, which is always a bonus.
But it was good to catch up with them, and plus it also gave me an opportunity to do one of my favourite things when I go out with this particular group, which is watch my friend Chris do his slow deterioration through the evening from normal bank worker to inebriated Party God. The last image I saw of him during the night was him dancing towards the exit with his arms round the shoulders of a bald black man. No one has heard from him since. I wouldn’t be surprised if he woke up in a ditch in Scotland with a sex toy up his arse, a woman's handbag that only contained a passport made out to a Mrs Geraldine Pumperhoosen, and a new tattoo that simply said “Mother”. But that's why I love him.
So that was my week. Really enjoyable, really hard work, but off to a great start with this new job.
Couldn’t ask for any more really.