Saturday, 23 January 2010

So, What's Been Happening Then?…….

Hello you! My lovely reader type person, you. I’ve missed your eyes over here, how have you been? I see that rash has cleared up, and you’re walking better now, which is nice. I’d lose the eye patch though, that's so last season darling.

Anyone want to hear how my week went?

Just to recap, I started my new job on Monday. I am working for a Government funded programme that aims to aid the unemployed gain entry back into the job market. It has been a really long and intense week, and I was pretty surprised to not find my brain leaking out of my ears on Friday like warm pink porridge, but I have to say, I have really been enjoying it so far.

The small group of new starters are a really friendly bunch, so that kind of made it a bit easier at the start due to the fact we all were in the same boat and seemed to bond pretty quickly. So far my odd sense of humour hasn’t got me into any awkward situations yet, but I’m sure there will be a moment where my mouth will be two steps ahead of my brain, and I will say something that will make the other person stare at me intently and suddenly start looking for the nearest exit.

The training itself has been excellent. Each day has left us with more and more of an understanding of what the role will entail, so at no point have I felt like I was fumbling around in the unknown, and the people that work there couldn’t be any friendlier and accommodating, which is a great help for slowly blending in.

It’s been a pretty varied week. I have sat in on some of the workshops/classes that I will be running, rung potential employers, practised appointment techniques, created pitches that will be presented to local job centres, and all of it totally out of my normal comfort zone. In fact it’s felt like the equivalent of being chucked stark bollock naked out of an aeroplane without a parachute and with two angry scorpions super glued to my testicles. But that's the exciting thing about it, where it is so new and alien to me, it’s a totally new challenge, which is exactly what I have needed after stagnating for the past seven months. I really can’t wait to get started to be honest.

I finished the week off by meeting up with some friends last night and going “Mega Large” in London. Though to be honest, as I was so tired, they would probably have had more fun if they dug up a two week old corpse, stuck it on a motorised scooter, and then made it do lazy figures of eights round the club we were in, dropping various rotting body parts as it wove between the usual collection of pisssed up mongs that you find out on the town on a Friday night. Plus it would have looked more alive than I felt as well, which is always a bonus.

But it was good to catch up with them, and plus it also gave me an opportunity to do one of my favourite things when I go out with this particular group, which is watch my friend Chris do his slow deterioration through the evening from normal bank worker to inebriated Party God. The last image I saw of him during the night was him dancing towards the exit with his arms round the shoulders of a bald black man. No one has heard from him since. I wouldn’t be surprised if he woke up in a ditch in Scotland with a sex toy up his arse, a woman's handbag that only contained a passport made out to a Mrs Geraldine Pumperhoosen, and a new tattoo that simply said “Mother”.  But that's why I love him.

So that was my week. Really enjoyable, really hard work, but off to a great start with this new job.

Couldn’t ask for any more really.

22 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

So glad to hear that the new job is going well! Hope it continues to be challenging and satisfying!

JenJen said...

Everytime I visit, I crack up. Your descriptions are spot on.
Love it here!

And good to hear your new job is coming along nicely.

Jean said...

Is it wrong of me to slightly wish that all of those things have actually happened to your friend Chris? Not that I wish these things on anyone but your description makes it far less exciting if he just went home and passed out on the toilet. :)

Glad to hear you are excited about the job, starting new is always awkward.

xo
~J

Jean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kato said...

Sounds like you had an awesome week!

The images you paint are hilarious! The corpse at the club had me giggling madly, as I know that feeling all too well.

Great post my friend!

hope said...

I knew you could do it! Although the new folks obviously don't know about your plot to take over the joint utilizing a razor sharp wit and words like eye candy, you're on your way.

Seriously, I'm glad you found something more than a gig to pay the bills. Good for you!

Alice in Wonderland said...

HaHaHa, Dan, I can just see your friend slowly deteriorating during the evening! I have a friend like that, and maybe they met up somewhere on the Border here!
Quite often we find someone asleep in the grounds, fully dressed, I must add, but we just call the Police and they usually just wander off as if nothing has happened. But the next time I find a strange guy with a handbag and a sex toy in some imaginable place, then I'll let you know!
Good to hear that you have settled back into your new job. Gosh, it doesn't seem like seven months since we started this conversation! But, I still love you from the heart of my bottom!
Big Kiss!

jules said...

"Warm pink porridge." do you know how to paint a picture of what? Now where is the link to Chris's blog? I'd love to hear how the rest of his night turned out! YIKES!

Isabella Golightly said...

I'm waiting to hear what happens when you get the call "Oh, hello, it's Mrs Geraldine Pumperhoosen here, I was wondering what had happened to my passport!" Do let us know!

mapstew said...

Dan, me man, you survived a whole week! :¬)

I GOT A TATTOO! :¬)

mysticbiscuit said...

I think I saw your friend Chris on Crimestoppers last night.

aladdinsane12 said...

glad you like the new job- now, would you like to start by aiding my unemployed ass? that'd be lovely, thanks.

Matthew said...

Good to see you survived. How typical of you to come back with some good stories, too.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Man, if I had a penny for every time I'd woken up in a Scottish ditch with a sex toy up my arse, I could retire right now.

Wait...did I say that out loud?

UberGrumpy said...

Nice. Better than the ole' till job eh?

Daisy said...

I'm new to your blog but I'll be back!! I love your writing. :)

What's a "mong"??

Secretia said...

That is so funny, a sex tou up his arse!

mo.stoneskin said...

What's a "mong"? You want me tell Daisy or will you?

Couldn't ask for anything more? Not even a beer? Or a burger? Or a chicken, cheese and cranberry bagel?

Saskia said...

I'm thrilled to read this... it sounds so challenging, but in a really good way, and the fact that your new colleagues are helpful, friendly and supportive... well I think it's safe to say I think you'll like it there :)

I hope my first week is as good... am getting nervous for tomorrow now! Like you, my new job involves pitches, presentations etc. - things I have avoided successfully in my life to date, but I'm hoping that I'll enjoy being pushed out of my comfort zone!

Saskia x

hope said...

Hope the week's going well for you.

When you have a moment, I left something for you at my place. I'd bring it over, with a cup of tea after your long day, but you don't need my head cold.

Don't worry, you don't have to water or walk it. ;)

Sharon McPherson: AUTHOR / ARTIST said...

Hey, you sound like the right man for the job! Congratulations. A sense of humour always helps ... Once you have learned your new 'this is how to get a job' skills on your guinea-pigs, pass tips onto me - I'm job hunting too. :)

Ye, that's what they do in Scotland ... beware! lol

By the way, thanks very much for your comment on my blog: You made my day. :)x

Dan said...

Eva- It’s all going really well matey, I'm loving it.

JenJen- You know you are always welcome here. Make yourself comfy.

Jean- Apparently he didn’t get home till six in the morning. I got a text from him on Sunday. It just said "Ouch"

Kato- Thank you matey. I have just joined up to your blog. Give me some time this weekend and I will pop over and say hi.

hope- I have fooled them all into thinking I'm just another bloke. How little do they know.....

Alice- It’s always nice to have a comment from you Alice, normally because you are always so positive. Thank you.

jules- Sadly Chris doesn't have a blog. Something about the obscene publications act?

Isabella- I just hope she doesn't ask if anyone has seen her sex toy!

Mapstew- And a very impressive one it is my friendly. And painful looking.

mysticbiscuit- If it was a bloke running naked through the street with just a dustbin on his head, then yes, that was him.

aladdinsane- Cool. Hop on a plane and make an appointment. I'm free on Wednesday.

Matt- One can but try. Sorry I haven't visited much, I have been lax I know.

Veggie Ninja- No, you said it. And none of us doubted it either. Worrying?

UG- Much better mate. Much, much better.

Daisy- Thanks for the visit. And you are more than welcome here anytime. "Mong" is an idiot.

Secretia- How did I know you would like that part?

Mo- Have you moved? I can't find your blog where it used to be?

Saskia- By now you should be fully immersed in your new role. I hope it is going well! I will pop over this weekend and see if you have blogged about it. If not, I hope it’s going ok.

hope- Gratefully received.

Sharon- You are more than welcome. You have a great blog that always has some excellent writing going on there. Credit where credit is due. Anyone reading this should definitely check it out.