Sunday, 11 October 2009

How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?.......

When I make my fortune through either a) writing a bestselling novel or b) that sex tape I made with a Hungarian dwarf and various root vegetables, called, No Gyurka, Not The Rutabaga!, finally hits the net, the first thing I am going to rush out and buy with my ill gotten gains is this:

A full size replica of the American Werewolf In London.

That's right.

A full size freaking version of the American Werewolf In London!!!!!

8 feet long. Fully detailed. Fully amazing.

Now on my cool-o-meter, that is off the scale. When I saw it, I immediately started bouncing up and down in my chair, pointing at the screen, shouting, “Gimmie. Want it. Gimmie!” And it will only cost me a tidy $5500 to buy one. A bargain I feel?

Before I continue, I feel must apologise because this does seem slightly similar in theme to my last post and I honestly was going to write about something different, but then I saw this last night and had to mention it, because it is quite frankly, the best thing ever. Plus I have sort of fallen in love with the film all over again as it has recently come out on Blu Ray and has never looked better. And even more excitingly, it has also received a 3D makeover and will be playing at a cinema in the West End on Halloween and obviously I have tickets. There could be a slight issue with this though, as if the 3D transfer is a good one and it looks incredibly realistic, during Jenny Agutter’s nude scene, I might be unable to stop myself from reaching out and trying to grab them. From a side on view, I will look like I am either groping thin air, or molesting the Invisible Man. Either way, could get awkward.

A full size replica of the American Werewolf In London!!!!!!

Now any ladies reading this might fail to see what the fuss is about. But the men will fully understand. We love our toys, we really do. Anything that takes us back to our childhoods is OK with us. I honestly feel if you left a group of men alone in the woods, it wouldn’t be too long before they were playing war games and making pretend machine gun noises like we used to do on the playground. And ladies are you honestly telling me you wouldn’t like a full size replica of Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancing propped up in your bedrooms? Anyone? Thought not…..

Please don't think I am tacky though. I’m truly not. I like classical music. I go to art galleries.... sometimes. (Though I always make myself look stupid. Kates studied art. I never. So when we go, I normally end up walking round with my hands clasped behind my back, muttering things like, “Fabulous use of colour.” and, “It’s like the artist has painted my soul.”). I am well cultured, innit?

Another good reason for getting it would be just to see the expression on my cats face if I managed to sneak it into the flat without it seeing. The first time it wandered in the room and saw my new pet would indeed be a priceless Kodak moment. I could send it off to Iicanhascheezburger with an accompanying amusing caption. Something like, “DO NOT WANT!” or, “Youz haz gotz to be fuzzing kiddingz mees?”

Now the only problem I can see is trying to persuade my girlfriend that an 8 foot werewolf in the living room is in fact a wonderful addition to the household and should be cherished. Something that could actually be a hard thing to do. But I will try because it’s a full size model of the motherloving American Werewolf In London!!!!

I see today that I am lucky enough to have received the same little meme doodah from both the lovely Matthew and also the lovely Jenny Mac

Now with this, you are supposed to tell people ten interesting facts about yourself.

So here goes……….

1) I hate seafood. Anything that is armour plated, has eyes on stalks, is slimy, waves around claws, wears scales, is in my opinion, not food.

2) One of my main ambitions is to hug a monkey. I have come close once with a koala bear on a visit to Australia.

3) Also on said visit, I was attacked by an ostrich. I was feeding it, and when I run out of food, it started to peck my head. Due to a rather unfortunate incident with a chicken coop on a farm when i was about 9, any bird pecking me freaks me out. I took off and the ostrich took chase. Cue much hilarity.

4) No matter what I am doing, my cat thinks it is fine to walk up to me and stick its tiny little poop shoot in my face as some form of greeting. The worst is when I am on my computer and she jumps up on my desk, walks past, sticks it right under my nose, and then walks off again. This is in no way nice.

5) I suffer from claustrophobia and vertigo. So on a trip to the Eifel Tower, that little lift that takes you right to the top was my version of hell. I was almost chewing through the walls in fear trying to get out.

6) Due to hearing loss in my left ear, I have no sense of balance. So I can’t ride a bike or roller-skate. Ice skating I can sort of do. I hold on to both knees, push out, and go careening across the ice, people diving out the way like I was a live hand grenade.

7) My favourite period of English history is Victorian, especially Victorian London.

8) I once met Michael Bolton at an airport. The man neck is the same size as his head. I was 12. (Dunno why I thought it best to chuck that in?)

9) I have no form of self censorship and say things very loudly when I shouldn’t. One time, getting on the tube, there were two seats left for me and the missus, we quickly rushed to them but were beaten. I said something very loudly along the lines of, “You absolute bastards.” I might have embellished this slightly; it might have been something stronger. I will get punched one of these days. I wish I had an off switch.

10) I really want to do this.

Wow, that was fun. Tradition is to pass this on, so I will keep it in my cabinet with some other awards that need to go out, go hunting for some new blogs, and then dish them out to some lovely folk.

It’s a full sized version of the motherfunking, I can’t believe they made it, if I buy it my girlfriend will kill me, but I might get it anyway because I live on the edge, American Werewolf In London!!!!!!!


AlpHa Buttonpusher said...

It's quite lovely, I think you should keep it in your bedroom.

JenJen said...

Awesome post.
Freaked me out.
Two days in a row.

ladytruth said...

You know I could help you with number ten as I stay only ten minutes away from a lion farm and cuddle the cubs whenever I feel the need for a new puppy.

As for a full size replica of Johnny Castle: I DO HAVE ONE and I'm not ashamed to admit it either. I might admit I know all the words of every character, but that would just seem strange.


Anonymous said...

A friend of mine just bought a Harley without his girlfriend knowing and he's still alive. At least he was on Friday, last time I saw him.

How bad can buying your werewolf really be? Just pull the old 'if you love me, you'll let me' line. I hear it can get you certain things you want. Ahem.

Possum said...

Bwahahaha @ "...just to see the expression on my cats face .."

no 10...GO FOR IT! but I'm biased cos thats where I was born :)

hope said...

Explain to your girl that it's an anti-burglary device: face that sucker towards the door and anyone who comes in uninvited, especially in the dead of night, would probably keel over. Hmmm, perhaps you should keep a mop handy for any unexpected...spills. :)

JenJens' right...another photo, another nightmare. Note to self: don't read Dan before bedtime.

Susan at Stony River said...

Good luck on the hug-a-monkey dream, and 10.

Also you can btw put me on the waiting list for that hm, Hungarian thingie when it comes out on DVD. If you want, you know, I'm just sayin'...

Lorenza said...

If you come to South Africa one of your dreams can come true: you can easily hug a baboon (but it could be dangerous) or my husband, who is quite hairy (but he' s not dangerous because he's not gay)

Congratulations on your increasing number of followers!

Dan. said...

Alpha- I sense you are mocking my dream here.

JenJen- Stick around, I'm going to aim for three.

Ladytruth- If I send you my address, any chance you could mail a cub out to me?

Matthew- I don’t think that stretches to an 8 foot werewolf, but I will try.

Possum- I will def go for it one day. Its mine and the missus dream to do that.

Hope- That was the exact place I was thinking of putting it. Maybe set a camera up for people’s expressions?

Susan at Stony River- Pay per view only I'm afraid. Should be on

Lorenza- Thank you for the offer to hug a husband. I will start off smaller first of all to be honest, work my way up to the larger ones.

Eva Gallant said...

I have no understanding of why you would want that ugly thing, but I loved the post anyway! lol

Alice in Wonderland said...

Dan, besides The Blues Brothers, An American Werewolf in London is one of my favourite films!
(Stamps small foot, screaming "I want one too! I want one too!")
Right, got that out of my system, so We've got a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark...and we're wearing sunglasses! So let's go!!!

ladytruth said...

Sure, no problem! They only eat babies anyway so you'll be alright until it feels like a more mature piece of steak. I'm sure your cat would forgive you in, oh, the new millennium?

JenJen said...

Bring it.
Eyes closed.

Judearoo said...

Guy I know is utterly obsessed with this movie. Must be a boy thing.

Something for you over on my blog, me dear!

Anonymous said...

Hope your hug-a-monkey dream comes true soon...would like to know what happens after you are done blog a follow-up to that experience :D

Dan. said...

Eva- It’s a full sized model of the American Werewolf In London? I am a man. It stands to reason why I would want this hideous thing in my home? I am stupid.

Alice- It you want to go half with me we can share it?

Ladytruth- I was thinking more of feeding it all the local chavs that annoy me? (Google image chav, you will see what I mean?)

JenJen- You asked for it.

Judearoo- You are right. Only boys are this stupid. And thank you for the award!

Kasabiangirl- Maybe dinner? A movie? Just hang out in a tree or something? The possibilities are endless?

Long dark hair, blue eyes said...

great! now I am actually going to have to watch the movie aren't I? I hope you are happy now. It is highly probable that I will be scared witless.

You visited Australia? where did you visit?

Dan. said...

Long dark hair, blue eyes- Watch it. And post on here how scared you were. And it will scare you......

I went to Sydney when I was about 15. Loved it. Beautiful weather, lovely people. I planned to move out there when I was 18 but circumstances changed unfortunately.

f8hasit said...

You do know that after "The Jerk", "American Werewolf in London" is my next favorite film.

That being said, if I were your girlfriend, I don't think I'd let you shell out $5500 beans for that. It's cool, but rather freaky. Fact is, I've a dark brown dog that even to this day sometimes scares the shit out of me when she creeps up the stairs at night.

Reminds me of the movie...

Amd yes, You can still be my friend. Even though you neglected me for so long. I accept your apology.

A table sized replica would be nice. Maybe put it on top of the tele?

HeatherLynn said...

Maybe with some nice track could sell it to your girlfriend as some sort of artistic piece that you could sit around, drink wine and discuss it's depth.

and you could say things like: “Fabulous use of colour.” and, “It’s like the artist has sculpted my soul.” ;)


jules said...

Oh, I dunno. It might not be a good idea to get that werewolf! I feel no good can come from it. :-) You do what you gotta do though. hee hee!

Dan. said...

f8hasit- But as a fan of the film, can you not see that it is quite possibly the best thing ever made? Or am I on my own here? And thanks for accepting the apology. Sorry it took me so long to pop over and say hi.

HeatherLynn- Two problems with this.
1) I got her to read this as a hint as to what I wanted for Christmas. Her reply to the chances of me having this were "Slim to anorexic"
2) If my soul looked like an 8ft werewolf, there really is no hope for me, is there?

But thank you for popping by and feel free to come round again.

jules- I feel only good can come from it, and possibly spousal abuse as well.

AlpHa Buttonpusher said...

Would I ever do that?!

P.S. What's with the angry poetry? You don't seem like the type. (Angry I mean - not Poetic lol;)

ladytruth said...

Feeding them chavs? What a great idea! Watching adorable cubs feed whilst making the world a better place at the same time? You are a genius.

Long dark hair, blue eyes said...

As instructed, I have watched American Werewolf in London and then followed it up with American Werewolf in Paris. I really enjoyed both films! They had some really classic lines and were enjoyable to watch.

But (and here is where I think we may have a difference of opinion) I didn't find either scary. In fact, they both seemed more like romantic comedy than horror movies.

Which bits were supposed to be scary?