How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?.......

When I make my fortune through either a) writing a bestselling novel or b) that sex tape I made with a Hungarian dwarf and various root vegetables, called, No Gyurka, Not The Rutabaga!, finally hits the net, the first thing I am going to rush out and buy with my ill gotten gains is this:

A full size replica of the American Werewolf In London.

That's right.

A full size freaking version of the American Werewolf In London!!!!!

8 feet long. Fully detailed. Fully amazing.

Now on my cool-o-meter, that is off the scale. When I saw it, I immediately started bouncing up and down in my chair, pointing at the screen, shouting, “Gimmie. Want it. Gimmie!” And it will only cost me a tidy $5500 to buy one. A bargain I feel?

Before I continue, I feel must apologise because this does seem slightly similar in theme to my last post and I honestly was going to write about something different, but then I saw this last night and had to mention it, because it is quite frankly, the best thing ever. Plus I have sort of fallen in love with the film all over again as it has recently come out on Blu Ray and has never looked better. And even more excitingly, it has also received a 3D makeover and will be playing at a cinema in the West End on Halloween and obviously I have tickets. There could be a slight issue with this though, as if the 3D transfer is a good one and it looks incredibly realistic, during Jenny Agutter’s nude scene, I might be unable to stop myself from reaching out and trying to grab them. From a side on view, I will look like I am either groping thin air, or molesting the Invisible Man. Either way, could get awkward.

A full size replica of the American Werewolf In London!!!!!!

Now any ladies reading this might fail to see what the fuss is about. But the men will fully understand. We love our toys, we really do. Anything that takes us back to our childhoods is OK with us. I honestly feel if you left a group of men alone in the woods, it wouldn’t be too long before they were playing war games and making pretend machine gun noises like we used to do on the playground. And ladies are you honestly telling me you wouldn’t like a full size replica of Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancing propped up in your bedrooms? Anyone? Thought not…..

Please don't think I am tacky though. I’m truly not. I like classical music. I go to art galleries.... sometimes. (Though I always make myself look stupid. Kates studied art. I never. So when we go, I normally end up walking round with my hands clasped behind my back, muttering things like, “Fabulous use of colour.” and, “It’s like the artist has painted my soul.”). I am well cultured, innit?

Another good reason for getting it would be just to see the expression on my cats face if I managed to sneak it into the flat without it seeing. The first time it wandered in the room and saw my new pet would indeed be a priceless Kodak moment. I could send it off to Iicanhascheezburger with an accompanying amusing caption. Something like, “DO NOT WANT!” or, “Youz haz gotz to be fuzzing kiddingz mees?”

Now the only problem I can see is trying to persuade my girlfriend that an 8 foot werewolf in the living room is in fact a wonderful addition to the household and should be cherished. Something that could actually be a hard thing to do. But I will try because it’s a full size model of the motherloving American Werewolf In London!!!!

I see today that I am lucky enough to have received the same little meme doodah from both the lovely Matthew and also the lovely Jenny Mac

Now with this, you are supposed to tell people ten interesting facts about yourself.

So here goes……….

1) I hate seafood. Anything that is armour plated, has eyes on stalks, is slimy, waves around claws, wears scales, is in my opinion, not food.

2) One of my main ambitions is to hug a monkey. I have come close once with a koala bear on a visit to Australia.

3) Also on said visit, I was attacked by an ostrich. I was feeding it, and when I run out of food, it started to peck my head. Due to a rather unfortunate incident with a chicken coop on a farm when i was about 9, any bird pecking me freaks me out. I took off and the ostrich took chase. Cue much hilarity.

4) No matter what I am doing, my cat thinks it is fine to walk up to me and stick its tiny little poop shoot in my face as some form of greeting. The worst is when I am on my computer and she jumps up on my desk, walks past, sticks it right under my nose, and then walks off again. This is in no way nice.

5) I suffer from claustrophobia and vertigo. So on a trip to the Eifel Tower, that little lift that takes you right to the top was my version of hell. I was almost chewing through the walls in fear trying to get out.

6) Due to hearing loss in my left ear, I have no sense of balance. So I can’t ride a bike or roller-skate. Ice skating I can sort of do. I hold on to both knees, push out, and go careening across the ice, people diving out the way like I was a live hand grenade.

7) My favourite period of English history is Victorian, especially Victorian London.

8) I once met Michael Bolton at an airport. The man neck is the same size as his head. I was 12. (Dunno why I thought it best to chuck that in?)

9) I have no form of self censorship and say things very loudly when I shouldn’t. One time, getting on the tube, there were two seats left for me and the missus, we quickly rushed to them but were beaten. I said something very loudly along the lines of, “You absolute bastards.” I might have embellished this slightly; it might have been something stronger. I will get punched one of these days. I wish I had an off switch.

10) I really want to do this.

Wow, that was fun. Tradition is to pass this on, so I will keep it in my cabinet with some other awards that need to go out, go hunting for some new blogs, and then dish them out to some lovely folk.

It’s a full sized version of the motherfunking, I can’t believe they made it, if I buy it my girlfriend will kill me, but I might get it anyway because I live on the edge, American Werewolf In London!!!!!!!