Do You Hear What I Hear?......

I am now going to break my cardinal rule that I set out in my very first blog on this site. I am going to write about something from my own personal life.

I know, I know, it doesn't bode well, does it? Wavering like this after only a few days of stating I wouldn't be doing that. But I think what I am about to write about could be quite interesting to you. But just in case it’s not, I have decided to add this random photo of an amusing baby for you to look at instead.

I have recently purchased my very first hearing aid. Now just to make you aware, I have got by fine all throughout my 30 years of being on this earth without needing one. I do have a perforated left ear drum that has left my slightly deaf in that ear, but I have been able to carry on fine with it so far without it affecting my life too badly.

But as I have recently been in an application for a certain job (Think cool uniform, ability to uphold the law, and fighting wrongs. That's right, I've applied to be a ninja) it has been made clear to me that in order to get the job, I need to have perfect hearing.

So I got a hearing aid. It was amazing.

I have a little remote control for it that adjusts the volume. It goes from normal, to loud, to very loud, to loud enough to hear asthmatic ants climbing up walls, to the very top setting, which is so loud I can actually read minds with it.

And the first few days was like a whole new world. I could hear everything I had missed before. The sound of a child's laughter. The sound of the wind rustling the leaves. A snowflake falling to earth. You get the picture? It was all such a sensory overload that I ended up running to the top of a hill and spinning around, arms outstretched, Julie Andrews style from The Sound Of Music, but if Julie Andrews resembled being on crack.

But now after a few weeks, I have noticed all the other things that I had missed. All the shit things that being slightly deaf had protected me from. Children crying. Dogs barking incessantly at night. Children crying. People talking complete bollocks and me being able to hear every word. Children crying. My neighbours rowing. Oh, and have I mentioned children crying? With my new found Superman hearing, the sound of a child crying actually goes through me like razor wire, until it feels as if I have a small imp in my head who is digging into my frontal lobes with a pneumatic drill. The first time I encountered this new phenomena was whilst I was queuing up to do my shopping. The small devil wrapped up in a child's body in front of me started to wail because he couldn't have any sweets, I almost defecated myself on the spot as to how loud it was. I looked around to see if anyone else was noticing the bottles and tins rattling from the sound coming from this walking air raid siren. No one did. I consoled myself by giving the little shit the finger every time his mother wasn't looking. I'm mature like that.

Moral of the story? Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes a beautiful rose can give you a nasty prick. Oh, and that children should be muzzled at all times as well.

I find out if I become a ninja tomorrow. Wish me luck.

*I do hope that wasn't to disinteresting for you? If you find yourself getting to the bottom and it was, just have a look at the top left hand corner. It's a baby. With a funny dummy. Brilliant.....*