October- The Review.....

I know it’s not officially over yet, but I have a few things going on in the next few days and thought I had better pass my eye over the past month now, just in case I have no time later on. If anything spectacular happens in the final dying moments of October, then I will swiftly follow it up with October 2-The Bits We Couldn’t Show You! like some directors cut of a low rate horror, or those awful teen sex comedies.

Then again, seeing as these directors cuts are normally filled with extra nudity, and more scenes of slow motion exploding heads than you could possibly handle, the chances of any of that happening to me between now and the 31st are quite slim. But I always remain extra hopeful (And trust me, on my trip to the supermarket this morning, that stupid woman ahead of me in the queue? I wish her head did explode. How can you haggle over bread? It’s bread, not a fine rug from a Persian market?)

October. What a month this was! Filled with excitement, fun, drama, tears, and almost uncontrollable laughter. And all of this was happening to other people outside my window, whilst I sat in daily, bleary eyed in front of my computer screen, hunting for that ever elusive job. I’m still sadly unemployed, but plugging grimly away at finding something.

Kates spotted a position that would represent my ideal job though. The BBC runs every year something that they call a Journalism Trainee Scheme. They basically take 15 members of the public who are interested in journalism and writing for a career, mentor them for 12 months, and then hopefully offer them positions once the scheme is over. How brilliant is that? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s very bloody brilliant is what it is.

As obviously anybody with any interest in writing and journalism would kill to work for the BBC, I can imagine it will have a vast number of applicants, so I probably stand a snowballs chance in hell (a snowball that is wearing a hat, woolly mittens, and a rather large scarf) of getting accepted, but I have applied anyway. Nothing ventured, no wonder dream job gained.

They’re not asking for anybody with a media background, as they train you on everything, but have asked if you have any form of experience in public writing. So with some trepidation, I linked my blog to my application. I am now wondering if my continuous usage of the words genital and zombies in my blog posts will go against me? If there is suddenly a zombie outbreak, and the said zombies have a craving for human genitals, then surely I would be the only journalist qualified to cover it?

If I don’t get anywhere this year though, I will keep on trying until I either get accepted, or they issue a restraining order against me. Whatever one comes first (My money is on restraining).

And now here is my breakdown of my month.

Things I Have Enjoyed.

1) My ever growing love of my Tuesday puppy party. As I have written about previously, Kates has a lovely puppy called Peggy. Now every Tuesday, we take her to the local vets for what they call a “Puppy Party”, but what I call, “The best hour I spend in the week”. It basically consists of me on the floor, surrounded by about ten puppies, and just getting involved with the fun. Everyone else sits primly on the sides, watching, whilst I get on the floor, mindless of getting covered in urine and faeces, and start flinging puppies around with gay abandon, letting them jump up and sit on me, and generally looking like I am having more fun than they are. Give it a few more weeks, and I am sure I will be running around on all fours with a dog chew in my mouth. Some perverted men would pay good money for that. I get it for free. I rule.

Apologies for the blurring. Puppies by their very nature are a bit too fast to try and take a photo of. I am just out of shot, probably having a play fight with a Labradoodle.

The white fluffy one is Fifi. She fancies me. She won't let any of the other dogs sit near me.
Once again, I am irresistible to the ladies....

2) Cooking. As I have the time on my hands now, I have decided to increase my culinary skills (which were basic, to say the least). So, armed with a collection of cook books, some spices, and some fairly fruity language, I have been giving it a good crack. And mostly it has been a success. Mostly……

3) This blog. 43 followers. Never thought it would happen. What's wrong with you all?

Things I Haven’t Enjoyed.

1) Credit card bills. As my credit cards are my only source of surviving at the moment, I have been hitting them pretty hard. Every time I use them, a small part of me dies inside forever. I was debt free not more than six months ago. I believe the phrase I am looking for is bugger?

2) Insomnia. I am beginning to hate that quiet hour at four in the morning when I am wide awake, staring at the ceiling, and wondering how the hell everyone else does it? Though I have made a new friend during those long hours- a spider who I have found living in the corner of my room. He crawls around on the ceiling as soon as it has just gone past midnight, has himself a regular little party up there. I never see him during the day, only at night when he busts out some 70's funk and starts getting down (I may by lying about the 70's funk). I have called him Steve. He is a very antisocial arachnid. He never waves back at me. The company is nice though.

3) Worrying about my mental health (See above-Steve).

Some Films I Have Enjoyed This Month.

1) Up. Loved it. Loved it! Nobody does a film quite like Pixar. And yes, I did cry. The first ten minutes slayed me, then the bit where he is looking through the scrap book finished me off.

2) Zombieland. Its zombies? Of course I was going to like it?

3) Rogue. If you are only going to see one film about a giant crocodile trapping a gang of tourists on an island, then munching them one by one, make sure it’s this one. 

Some TV Shows I Have Enjoyed This Month.

1) The Thick of It. Hands down, my favourite TV show ever. And it made a welcome return back to my screen this weekend. It’s a biting and scathing political satire that takes a look at the background goings on that take place around Whitehall. And it has the best swearing of all time.



2) Peep Show. My second favourite comedy. This follows the lives of two very socially awkward men and the disasters they always get into. The plus point is that it is shot from each person’s point of view, so you get to see and hear what they are thinking. Well worth checking out.

3) Life. BBC wildlife documentaries have been a staple of my life growing up, and one of the reasons that I have become so fascinated with the natural world. The latest is called Life, and yet again is worth paying the Licence Fee for alone. Filmed using the latest Hi Def cameras, it shows you things that are so beautiful; they can sometimes leave you breathless. But these shows would be nothing without one man, Sir David Attenborough. The term “Living Legend” is banded about to much these days, but in this man’s case, its fully justified. Well into his 80’s now, he has lost none of the wonder that he has for the animal world. One of the most important educators around.

Some Books I Have Enjoyed This Month.

1) The Road- Cormac McCarthy. Probably the most harrowing thing I have ever read, this harsh and brutal book tells the story of a man and his son, travelling to the coast after some unnamed apocalyptic event has taken place. There is just no let up from the sense of despair that is felt, you just can’t see any foreseeable happiness for the pair, and then you reach the end of the book and find out that you were right all along. And yet through the darkness, the man’s love for his son still shines brightly. Well worth seeking out (even more so than before the film comes out and spoils everything).

2) The Hell of It All- Charlie Brooker. Brooker is a god in my household. The most scathing critic and columnist out there. Some of his views on life with have you crying with laughter, yet nodding in agreement at the same time (which can make you look a bit odd).

3) The Dead Zone- Stephen King. I often have a King book on rotation at some point every month. I think this is his first really mature piece of work (Ohhhh, hark at me? All professional sounding.) A man comes out of a coma and finds he has the power to see into the future. It doesn't end well. There is a long and drawn out sense of sadness throughout the whole book. I like that.

So that was October. A pretty slow month, everything just moving along like before. I have high hopes for November though. This will be the month to end all months. A dazzling pyrotechnical wonder, all Vegas show tunes and sequined high kicks, a month where things will finally start to change……..

What's the betting that I will still be sat in front of my PC, in my pants, still trying to find a job? Pretty high, I guess? But at least I will still have you, right?

And Steve. Mustn't forget Steve……….