Friday, 4 December 2009

Dan Aid………

I know you are there. I can feel your gaze on my words, Feels nice, kind of tingly to be honest. So now that I know you are reading this with your eyeballs, I need to ask you something.

I need your help.

No, not you. Can you move out the way please? Stand over there.

You, there, wearing that thing with the red on it. I need your help.

No, not you. Your in the way again. The last time I accepted help from you I ended up on my own in Prague, wearing a floral dress with matching hat, carrying nothing but a passport under the name of Mrs Bigglestaff. Do you remember that? It was a nightmare getting home, I tell you. That wasn’t nice at all. You are definitely out sunshine.

That's it, you. Yes, you, I need your help. There is no point looking round to see if I’m talking to anyone else, it’s clearly you I am talking to. You’re the only one here now, so it must be you? So take that look of surprise off your face and hunker down while I tell you how I need your help (hmmmmn, you smell nice).

It’s like this………..

I am an original. A one off. Unique in shape, form, and indeed, texture. There is nothing else like me out there. God was in a special mood when he made me. He had a big smile on those godly chops as I was hewn from the purest of clay into this fine specimen of a human being that is currently tapping out these words to you right now.

And that's how I would like my blog to be as well, a reflection of me.


So when I started it, I emptied my brainscape to try and come up with a sparkly original title. Deep in that cavernous pit where my thoughts scamper and scurry like tiny hobgoblins in the witching hour, an almost slow dawning of something huge arriving began to take shape. Vague at first, it slowly appeared through the green mind fog to flash at me two simple words.

Vacant Mind.

PERFECT! I cried in my head. And I may have even cackled as well. And I may have even been stroking Dotty on my lap to complete the Bond villain caricature.

Vacant Mind. It was the pinnacle of blog names. Two words that summed up perfectly the attitude to blogging.

Here's an exercise.

Next time you idly flick through blogger, looking at everybody else's wonderful sites, check out the names of them. I bet you about one in three have the same word in the title.

That word, you ask?


The word ramblings appears in so many blog titles it’s unreal. And that made me wonder why?

The only explanation I could come up with is maybe it’s a small sense of self conscious behaviour on the writer’s part.

I mean, when you blog, you are basically taking a load of your thoughts and giving them to a complete stranger to look at. So when you do so, you might as well be saying “Here you are, take a look at something I wrote. Don’t worry if you think it’s silly, it’s nothing serious, just some stupid ramblings that I put down for you to read.” 

It’s quite a daunting experience for first time bloggers to suddenly let their babies out into the world, so perhaps as some form of protection, sticking the word ramblings into the blog title might take the sting out of it a little bit, a consciousness effort on the writers part so the reader doesn’t take them too seriously in case they hate what they are reading, which is complete monkey bollocks to be honest, as every blog I have ever come across always has something worth reading about (apart from those Earn Money While You Blog ones. They never floated my boat to be honest).

Anyway, that's my theory on the rambling thing. Could be true. Could be the musings of an idiot. I’ll let you decide.

Now, back to me.

Vacant Mind was a perfect blog title. It had a touch of the Hey, look at me, but don’t take me too seriously in those two words sitting majestically in the title, and I liked it immensely. It pleased me.

So I ran with it for a month or so.

And then I thought I would google it.

Big mistake.

I wasn’t original.

I wasn’t unique.

I was one of about four blogs that had that title.

I’m manly enough to admit that I nearly wept. I beat at my apartment walls, crying “Why? Why must you torment me so?”

It was bad.

By now you must be reading this and thinking “Where the hell do I come in?”

Well, I’ll tell you.

I have to change the name of this blog and I need your help in doing so.

I need something unique, I need something pure, and I need something that just screams me.

“So why not think of it yourself?” You would also be thinking (along with “Why am I going along with this?”).

My creative well has run dry I’m afraid, I have been trying to think of new names and been coming up short. Plus, I thought it might be amusing to get other people involved. I like interaction. It makes me happy.

Looking through some of the blogs I follow, I see some really cool and unique names in there. My favourite has to be Jules and Night Notes On Napkins. It sounds really funky and original, not just a generic blog name. But I also like Matthews AbodeOneThree, its very bold and to the point. In fact, looking down my blog list, I can’t see a bad name in there. And that's where I want to be, amongst all the cool kids. With a funky sounding name.

So, my fellow bloggers, can I ask you for your help on this? I would like to run it like a competition, but I am unemployed and have nothing to give you. I can give you my gratitude though, and that's worth more than any trinket in my eyes.

So I am welcoming all suggestions to a name change. My aim is to have it changed before the end of the year.

I will ask you if you would be kind enough to give me your suggestions, then once I have enough, I will run some kind of poll for people to vote on (This could all backfire spectacularly as I could get no suggestions, or even worse, no votes. But if that's the case, I’m sure I would have thought about something by then anyway. It’s only a bit of fun to see out the year in. I’m crazy like that).

Here are some pointers for any new folk reading (and I’d like you to get involved as well).

: My name is Dan.

: Ninjas make me laugh.

: Also zombies.

: I’m mildly neurotic.

: I over analyse myself far too much.

: I don’t like people (other than whoever is reading this. You rock!).

: I’m the most sarcastic human being alive.

: I'm grumpy.

Those are a few pointers; any of my fellow readers who have been here long enough probably have a pretty good idea of how to sum me already (twat).

In case you think I am incredibly lazy in asking others to rename my blog, I ran some of my own efforts past Kates this afternoon.

What about I See Ninjas?


I See Zombie Ninjas?




And that's why I need your help. If you leave it to me, I will just end up with something really shit.

So that's it then. Thanks for any help you give me on this. Feel free to stick any suggestions in the comments section (any libellous ones will be removed swiftly. Oh, and it might be an idea to google it as well, we don’t want to be doing this again in a few months time when I have another hissy fit) and I will shortlist them for a poll.

I’m hugging you all.


I've just thought of one.

The Glorious Nation That Is Dan.

I can’t decide if it’s genius or donkey shit.

That's probably not a good thing?

It's donket shit, isn't it?

Damn, this is hard.....


Susan at Stony River said...

Jeesh, I'm still trying to think of a decent name for MY blog. But, let's see... somewhere 'round this hard drive I have a list of words and phrases that made me say "hey, that would be a great title" or "hey, cool name for a band" (in case I suddenly morph into someone musically talented...) etc. Worth a go....
I'll be back with something or other; good luck with inspiration meanwhile!

(I was SO tempted to suggest REVERSE! REVERSE! but, well...)

JenJen said...

Why does it say Brody ninjafunk?
Who's brody?
or is it a what?

I kinda like ninjafunk. But I don't know if that will paint the picture you will ultimately deliver.

I have to think on this a bit.

Stephanie said...

How about "Vacuous Mind"

Allegria said...

I wouldn't mess around with the name too much--we're starting to know you by it. What about Vacant Cranium? Or something similar, so you don't have to start at round one again.

Eva Gallant said...

Neurotic Nuggets?

Anonymous said...

Uh uh. So 'fess up, "Dottie" is what you call your little pants-captain isn't it?

Alice in Wonderland said...

Dan, I think "Vacant Mind" suits you very well! I don't think I would change it. I have found at least 4 "Alice in Wonderlands" or names associated with it, so it is really The Wonders of Alice! But, I'm thinking of taking a break for a while because things have just gone pear-shaped, and no matter what I try to do, nothing is working out at the moment. So, I wouldn't change my name, leave it as it is for a while. It was The Blues Brothers that attracted you to me in the first place!

hope said...

Okay if we're doing true confessions, I LOVE Vacant Mind! And I thought it was uniquely lovable, like you. Change if you must but be warned that I will pout for a week. Oh I'll stick around but grumpy and pouty can't be good.

If all else fails, try OCD Ninja...just the visual is amusing.

UberGrumpy said...

Crikey, Dan, I almost called my latest posting 'Rambling to the pub'. That was a lucky escape.

How about Dan, Dan, The Zombinenutoricgrumpyninja Man? Nope, too long.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I was a Ramblings Person. Twice - and I know what you mean about the whole individuality thing.

I eventually found that my title didn't seem to match what I wrote. That's what made me think about changing it. Hopefully you'll re-read and something will come up but until it does, I'd stick with what you have. :)

scarlethue said...

I wouldn't set a deadline on this, that's how you'll come up with a crap title or with something you start to hate in a few months. It has to hit you like a lightning bolt, and you'll know when it does.

Couple ideas for you-- go back and reread a few of your favorite posts. Maybe you can pick out themes or common words and come up with something from there. That's basically how mine came to be, from writing I had done before I started the blog.

I also like blog titles with alliteration-- makes them easy to remember, like the repeated n's in Night Notes on Napkins. You could be the Analytical Aardvark or something, ha.

Doctor FTSE said...

It's a hard life, Dan! "UberGrumpy" has already nabbed the best blog title this Doc ever came across . . .

Happy searching

f8hasit said...

Dans ninjas done gone and stepped in the donkey doo.

I like Vacant Mind.
It fills the void.

But that's just my take on it. Anything you come up with will be genius. Plus you've the ability to change it at will.

mo.stoneskin said...

I actually quite like Vacant Mind.

However I've come up with a few unique names that you could choose from.

Blown Synapses
Brain Sucked Through a Straw
The Dog That Fell Out The Window

What do you reckon?

By the way, this is only my second visit so I'm sure you'll agree as a relatively impartial observer you should probably pick one of mine.

Lopez said...

It's official.

Donket shit is my new favorite word-phrase. so thanks for that little gem.

I'd love to help with your new name, but I lack creativity in a MAJOR way...hence the last name forwards...and backwards.

I like a Vacant are the only one in my world, so hence, you are OG...and the ramblings thing...totally TOTALLY know what you mean...i like Matthews new name :o)

Miss OverThinker said...

You know I saw your post a couple days ago and I kept trying to think of a cool new name for your blog and all I could come up with was.... nothing.. you see, I am about as creative as a ball of yarn..

When I started blogging, I didn't spend more than a minute thinking about my blog title or my own blog name.. I didn't think anyone was going to read my blog, the only reason I started blogging was due to a night of insomnia coupled with major heart wrenching pain.. it was only after a couple months of blogging did I realize the friendships, the connections, the camaraderie and all the other wonderful things that have come out as a result of my blogging..

Now, I don't really care what my blog title is. It's definitely not unique but I am OK with that..

As for your title, it doesn't matter what you rename it to, I really dig your posts so I'll keep coming back for more no matter what you chose to call yourself or your blog...sometimes I can't say things in less than 500 words, so sorry for this long-assed comment)

jules said...

Oh you!!!! After a tough day, you've made my heart smile. Truly smile from within. Like velvet butter. I won't lie however. My name came before the blog. I mean, I half started it because I had the name to go with the theme.

But this isn't helpful. Here is my advice however. Once upon a time I was sitting in a bar (crazy right?!?!) and my friend said she was so tired, she wanted to go to Denny's, order breakfast and then "use her pancakes as a pillow." I told her that was the name of her memoir. Today, the name of her blog is, "The Night I Used my Pancakes as a Pillow." Genius right? I suppose my point is, next time you are out with friends, and find yourself saying something randomly funny and "Dan-esque", there's your name! Good luck!

Dan said...

Thank you for all the wonderful suggestions. After careful consideration, and reading many of the pleas to leave it as it is, I have decided to stop acting like a 12 yr old girl who has just got her first period, and stay as Vacant Mind.

I may not be the original, but I'm the original in your worlds, right?

Thank you for the proverbial "slap round the chops and pull yourself together man."

William said...

I quite like 'Vacant Mind'; it has s solid integrity to it, as though your blog had been a classic for decades, and had only recently been stumbled upon. How about 'VerDant' or 'Ver ~ Dan ~ T'?

ladytruth said...

Glad you didn't change the name of your blog; finding people is not my strong point and losing your blog would put me in a vacant state of mind ;) Ok, that was lame, but I'm still glad you kept the name. To me it's pretty original and taken into account that we live in a world of a few billion people, there'll be some overlapping ideas every now and again. 'Dan' would'nt be the same without 'Vacant Mind' :)