Thursday, 8 April 2010

Love Letter To The One I Lost…..

Hello. I pray that somewhere, somehow, you are reading this.

This is not an easy thing for me to write. A bit like cornucopias, that's another hard thing for me to write. Along with filicide and cooptation. But I digress.

We started off happy, you and I. Free to laugh and smile and wonder what the future held for the both of us. Everything looked shiny and new when I had you beside me. The world was freshly unwrapped and sat there gleaming like a freshly shined coin. We had our whole lives together and I knew that I could make it with you by my side.

And then I woke up one day and you were gone.

I don’t know how it happened. I suppose I could reel out all the same old tired excuses. I never paid you enough attention. I was too tired from work to even look in your direction. The age old story told since man was birthed onto this little rock that we call home. But however you choose to dress it up; you were gone from my life, never to return.

Well, that sucks.

I suppose I have gone through the five stages of grief since I woke up one day and found out that instead of having 121 followers, I somehow have 120 since I lost you. I have been walking round in a daze, staring into mirrors and sneering at the looser that faced me. But if you really want to know how I feel, then let me describe it for you.

Denial: I had to check time and time again. Were you really gone or had I just misplaced you somewhere? Surely my eyes were wrong? We were good together, weren’t we? No, you weren’t really gone. This was all some kind of sick joke and the next time I looked you would be there, just like you always were. Everything was literally going to be alright now.

It wasn’t.

Anger: So, it was true! You had left me! And how long had you been planning this? Was it right from the start? Was I some kind of rebound blog? In fact, I had noticed that you seemed kind of distant, always as if you were five seconds out of my grasp. And to be honest, how sure am I that you weren’t making sexy eyes at other blogs while claiming to be a follower of mine. I feel so cheap.

Bargaining: I can change! I know I haven’t been the person that I was when we first started. I know I have been posting less, commenting sporadically, but it’s not my fault! I’m going to work every day trying to make people’s lives better. There is only so much of this man to go round! But come back, just come back! I’ll do anything if I could just see your chirpy little avatar sitting where it belongs, nestled like a tiny dormouse amongst my amazing followers.

Depression: This low I feel, like someone has pulled out all my insides and worn them for a novelty scarf, is horrible. I waited outside your blog last night, holding up a boom box playing Peter Gabriel's “In Your Eyes”  for about three hours. You never poked your head out once. That cut me deeper than any knife ever could. I tried calling out your name but it was lost over the laughter you made as you read your new blog, the blog that should have been me.

Acceptance: So, I guess it is true. You left me. I suppose I can understand why. I mean, why would you want to be in an electronic relationship with someone who paid you no attention. Who ignored every comment that you made. I don’t blame you for leaving, I really don’t. I won’t deny it hurts, but no more than I have probably hurt you.

If you do decide to come back, I can’t deny I can change, but I will promise you that I will always be here for you. Always.

Just thank god I have 120 friends to help me get through this.

You were the best.

Love Dan.

XX

24 comments:

JenJen said...

baby I'm still here!!! Yay ME!

Even though, you don't come visit me anymore. RUDE.

Lynn said...

Ah, Dan. You noticed it with 121 followers. I have only 44, and have lost 2 since I started, and *sniff*...(breaks down into sobs).

Seriously, though, sometimes I have to unfollow blogs, simply because my blog roll gets too unweildy. I still check them out occasionally, though, to see what's going on. Maybe the same thing is happening here? Lurkers.

(Be it known, however, that I would never unfollow YOU. You make me laugh too hard.)

Tony Spunk said...

Aw dude, don't be cryin', the other 120 of us still love you, swearsies. Even though I'm too manly of a guy to say it out loud or anything.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm going to cry real tears of salty wetness for your dilemma Mr. Dan. I mean, you must be wasting away in your grief. But really that one person is a Satan worshipper who doesn't deserve you anyway.

Eva Gallant said...

OMG! I'm glad it wasn't me! I have cut down my blog roll lately, because it had just gotten out of control. There are so many blogs I want to read, but only so many hours in the day. I'm still here, Dan...Even thoug you hardly ever visit me. 'sob' (that me crying, NOT calling you an S.O.B.)

I'm always disappointed when I lose a follower, too.

scarlethue said...

I lose and gain followers all the time. It's weird. I don't even look at it anymore. Somehow I made it to 74, but for a while I was stuck at 60, then 61, then 60, then 59, then 61 again, then 60. It's ridiculous.

hope said...

Is confession still good for the soul?

No, I didn't desert you. How could I? You make me laugh when the world is just plain stupid.

I did something worse than leave you. I BLOCKED a follower the other day. And I felt bad. Really bad.

But if we are truly judged by the company we keep, it was the right thing to do. Cause I'm not into the kind of um...stuff...the new follower was. And the icon was rather rude to boot.

No, I'll stick with you, content in knowing that you're not REALLY ignoring me (Us),you're just busy trying to save the world.

So, what tune shall we put on the iPod for your hero theme song? ;)

Jana said...

Hi Dan, its good to see you back after such a long time…its years in blog time trust me…so its true that one only realizes the value of someone in one’s life only after they go away!

I would still be there, if unobstrusively, even if you post after a gazillion years!

livesbythewoods said...

Bah, followers schmollowers.

As long as people read what you write and sometimes give some feedback, that's great. Well, that's how I view it anyway.

And where have you been, you big slacker?

f8hasit said...

Don't worry about it Dan. You get used to it. Trust me. Mine waffles all over the place! I used to wonder if it was something I said, and then realized that 'Yes! Yes, it was!'

But I'm still here for you. But I wonder...are YOU one of those that left ME?
:-)

mapstew said...

Dan, you funny!

I got to 50 followers last week, then next day, back to 49! Bastards! :¬)

Millions Of Atoms Man said...

Hey, I'm only at 30, so boo friggin' hoo.

Seriously though, I'm still here. I suggest a "follower cage" with some kind of treat in the middle of it.

Followers get in, but they don't get out.

Sharon McPherson: AUTHOR said...

Ye, cute ... real cute. My reaction is usually F*** *** and don't come back!!!

Similar to something I'd say to an ex boyfriend.

Of course, it's not personal: It's blogging.

aladdinsane12 said...

i fall for your posts EVERY TIME. first the excerpt from your "novel" and now this! i even thought for a brief moment that you were using "follower" metaphorically! finally my brian started working and i realized that this is not an ode to a lost love, but a lost follower. it was all a farce! you wound me, dan. you wound me.

fickleinpink said...

...then I'll be your 121st!

xoxo,
fickle


P.S.
I'm glad I did the the 6 degrees of blogging because I'm here at your doorstep!

Jake said...

Now you have 121 followers.

Matthew said...

I've given up trying to figure it out. I've unfollowed one blog in my life and that's it....

Lorenza said...

Yeap, it happens...and it is not nice, I know. I had to stop following a couple of blogs because I was not followed back so the relationship did not take off and I thought I cannot afford to be so "generous" in terms of time. So far, I still read your blog although I got only 1 comment from you since we "know " each other. But I like you.

LOL

Lorenza said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikonda said...

Clever writing. I liked this.

Saskia said...

I'm still on board HMS Vacant Mind and definitely won't be abandoning ship any time soon!

Don't worry about the unfollower - it is they who are losing out :) ~well that's what I tell myself anyway!

S

Kitty Moore said...

Pah! It's their loss - just let them go Dan, you deserve much better!

Miss OverThinker said...

Dan you are so funny.. I have 97 followers, I don't even get 9.7 comments per post.. its quality you want not quantity..

hope said...

Just checking in to make sure that "missing person" didn't come back and subtract you too. ;0

Hope you're having a great weekend!