Hello. I pray that somewhere, somehow, you are reading this.
This is not an easy thing for me to write. A bit like cornucopias, that's another hard thing for me to write. Along with filicide and cooptation. But I digress.
We started off happy, you and I. Free to laugh and smile and wonder what the future held for the both of us. Everything looked shiny and new when I had you beside me. The world was freshly unwrapped and sat there gleaming like a freshly shined coin. We had our whole lives together and I knew that I could make it with you by my side.
And then I woke up one day and you were gone.
I don’t know how it happened. I suppose I could reel out all the same old tired excuses. I never paid you enough attention. I was too tired from work to even look in your direction. The age old story told since man was birthed onto this little rock that we call home. But however you choose to dress it up; you were gone from my life, never to return.
Well, that sucks.
I suppose I have gone through the five stages of grief since I woke up one day and found out that instead of having 121 followers, I somehow have 120 since I lost you. I have been walking round in a daze, staring into mirrors and sneering at the looser that faced me. But if you really want to know how I feel, then let me describe it for you.
Denial: I had to check time and time again. Were you really gone or had I just misplaced you somewhere? Surely my eyes were wrong? We were good together, weren’t we? No, you weren’t really gone. This was all some kind of sick joke and the next time I looked you would be there, just like you always were. Everything was literally going to be alright now.
Anger: So, it was true! You had left me! And how long had you been planning this? Was it right from the start? Was I some kind of rebound blog? In fact, I had noticed that you seemed kind of distant, always as if you were five seconds out of my grasp. And to be honest, how sure am I that you weren’t making sexy eyes at other blogs while claiming to be a follower of mine. I feel so cheap.
Bargaining: I can change! I know I haven’t been the person that I was when we first started. I know I have been posting less, commenting sporadically, but it’s not my fault! I’m going to work every day trying to make people’s lives better. There is only so much of this man to go round! But come back, just come back! I’ll do anything if I could just see your chirpy little avatar sitting where it belongs, nestled like a tiny dormouse amongst my amazing followers.
Depression: This low I feel, like someone has pulled out all my insides and worn them for a novelty scarf, is horrible. I waited outside your blog last night, holding up a boom box playing Peter Gabriel's “In Your Eyes” for about three hours. You never poked your head out once. That cut me deeper than any knife ever could. I tried calling out your name but it was lost over the laughter you made as you read your new blog, the blog that should have been me.
Acceptance: So, I guess it is true. You left me. I suppose I can understand why. I mean, why would you want to be in an electronic relationship with someone who paid you no attention. Who ignored every comment that you made. I don’t blame you for leaving, I really don’t. I won’t deny it hurts, but no more than I have probably hurt you.
If you do decide to come back, I can’t deny I can change, but I will promise you that I will always be here for you. Always.
Just thank god I have 120 friends to help me get through this.
You were the best.