Friday, 5 February 2010

I’m In Print!!!!……

Ever since I discovered I had the amazing talent of putting words together and making them barely legible, it has been a dream of mine to find myself within a written publication.

Well, that dream finally came true today.

Some of you fellow bloggers may know of a website called The Blog Paper. If you haven’t heard of it, then allow me to give you the skinny.

Here in London, we used to have a collection of free newspapers that were handed out every evening by strange looking people whose sole aim, apart from handing you free papers, was to get in your way as you tried to get home from work, and thus made you so angry that you wanted to roll up two copies of said newspapers and then insert them slowly into their eye sockets due to the fact that they had made you missed your train for the umpteenth time.

These papers died a death sometime last year. So that left a rather large amount of printing presses just sitting idly by, not really doing anything at all. So some rather enterprising folk came up with a novel idea. A user submitted newspaper. You contribute the articles to the website, and the readers of said website voted on what should be printed in the monthly paper.

I submitted my blog article that I wrote about porn as a sort of “Let’s see what happens” kind of thing and awaited the outcome. I did consider posting on here asking for votes, but a part of me wanted to see if the writing would stand up on its own (or at least stagger around half cut like a Glaswegian drunk), so I left it be and waited.

I started to get a few votes here and there, and then things started to go better and better. Better than I could have ever hoped for to be honest. If you look on the website under highest rated articles, I am currently at the top.

I got printed today.

I am very happy.

Very happy indeed.

I went down to one of the stations that the paper was being handed out at to pick myself up a copy. Sadly I think I must have missed them, as the only papers being handed out by the time I got there was the Evening Standard. I must admit to being a tad deflated as I was so excited about holding something I had written in my own hands, but then I saw it, a copy of The Blog Paper lying dropped in the gutter (and yes, the delicious irony was not lost on me). With happy thoughts, I picked it up and flicked through the pages until I saw my article.

My article.

It was my words with my name attached to it. And people could read it.

I know that what I put up on here is happily accessible to anyone who stumbles across it (and god bless you all for doing so), but there is something about the printed word that I find so amazing that having them replicated on a flickering PC screen really can’t do them justice.

This is seriously a big thing for me, even if for others it may seem small.

Coming home I had a bit of an odd experience. I was sitting on the train to Shenfield opposite a rather nice lady with glasses. About halfway through the journey she pulled out a copy of The Blog Paper and began to read it.

Immediately my eyes were drawn to the paper as I stared at her intently, trying to gauge where she was up to in the pages. Was she at my article yet? Was I actually going to have it critiqued in front of me, with her totally unaware that the author was sitting right opposite her?

Suddenly she looked up and saw me staring. I then realized that to her eyes a slightly desperate looking beardy bloke was staring in growing excitement at her. I have never actually seen my presence cause a woman to suddenly look terrified. It wasn’t very nice. I wanted to quickly flick through the pages and point out my article, shouting “I WROTE THAT! THAT WAS ME! THAT'S ALL I’M LOOKING AT! PLEASE DON’T FEAR ME!”

But I didn’t. I just got up at my stop, glancing down to see that she was about three pages away from my piece. Perhaps it was for the best? She might not have even smiled once, and that would have killed me.

So very nice lady with the glasses, if by reading my article you have ended up here, then you may remember the strange bloke sitting in front of you staring in your direction like he had just seen a baby elephant hatch out of your head. That was me. I’m so sorry if I freaked you out. I wasn’t trying to sex you up or anything. I was just happy to see what you were reading.

If anyone is reading this and did vote for my article, can I just say a massive thank you from the bottom of my heart. It has really meant something to achieve this. I think only anybody who writes can fully understand what it means.

It’s brilliant. So thank you.

If anyone wants to have a look at the article, you can find it here. I am on page 14.

My article.



Kitty Moore said...

Congratulations Dan - well deserved my friend!

Kitty x

JenJen said...



Really great news!! Oh Danny boy....I love you!!!! YOU'RE FUCKING FAMOUS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Kitty Moore said...

Hope you don't mind but I'd like to have a bash at that myself!

Kitty x

JenJen said...

K I'm back. sans capslock.

Really. I just read it. IN PRINT.
I'm so excited for you I can't even STAND IT.

Susan at Stony River said...


-What a splendid use of the unwanted printers too; I love this all over.


Anonymous said...

Well check you out, published boy! Well done! Figures it would take porn to get you published. I mean duh.

I was going to say nice glowing things about you until I read that Glaswegian drunk comment, now I'm just going to mentally kick you in the nads instead. Having lived in both Scotland and England I can tell you that English people HANDS DOWN are way drunker than the Scots. Like ten times worse.

OK, maybe four. :)


That Gal Kiki said...

*applause* I'm soooooooooo happy for you!!!!!

I'm going to have a glass (bottle) of wine in your honor this evening.

Well done, love.

Eva Gallant said...

Frame that sucker and keep it forever!

hope said...

Standing ovation!

And you're matter how many times we decorate our computers with words, there's just something about seeing those words in print which make you want to stand up and shout, "I AM A CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF SOCIETY! Please see page 14".

Congrats my friend. Keep this up and you'll have a book published before Matthew gets off the beach Down Under. ;)

Kim Ayres said...


JenJen said...

Kiki! I'm two glasses in!

Miss OverThinker said...

Congratulations my friend! This is awesome.. Aren't you becoming Mr. Popular..

In celebration, I have uncorked a bottle of wine ;)

Alice in Wonderland said...

Hey Congratulations, Dan! I thought that were going to say some crap about The Metro, you know that free paper that is usually on the underground or something.
Good for you for making your mark!

Kato said...

Wow! That is awesome!

Congrats, you deserve it!

mapstew said...

Well done that man! :¬)

aladdinsane12 said...

that is SOO exciting! i'm jealous!

that article was the one that made me fall in love with your blog, so i'm glad everybody else has good taste, too :)

Anonymous said...

Dan, you've been consistently quality since day dot as far as I'm concerned. Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy.

Sharon McPherson: AUTHOR / ARTIST said...

Brilliant!!! Well done! If you had said to the lady on train "My article is on page 14 you would have made her day." ... We always love to meet talent face to face - but I know what you mean. Brits are so modest.

I can't wait for your next one now. :)

Doctor FTSE said...

I'm so pleased for you, Dan. But not surprised. Didn't I always say you could write? And that feeling of something in the public domain with your name on it!
In my case , it was a photo (B&W, back in the old days when you couldn't make a print without getting wet). The stories and pomes came later.

But I must pick you up on one small technical point. Glaswegian drunks do not stagger around "half-cut" They stagger around "TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY RAT ARSED. BLOOTERED, FOO! PISHED AS A F****' ARSE'OLE, JIMMEH!, WHO YOU LOOKIN' AT, PAL?" drunk. And the spine-chilling "PICK YER WINDAE" drunk, which, being translated means "I have of drink partaken, my good friend. And I now invite you to choose which of these many attractive windows you would prefer me to throw you through!'

All the very best, Dan. A career beckons!

f8hasit said...

I remember that post, one of my favorites! Congratulations on your being in print! (abd finding a copy in the gutter...)
Well done!

Stephanie said...

Congratulations! That is indeed a great accomplishment!

Mama Zen said...


jinksy said...

At last! I've found somebody with worse verbal diarrhoea than I have! The post before this proved it - but somehow, I've got to leave a comment on this later post, due to being too eager to push a little button to talk to you.

Kate said...

Congratulations! Really happy for you. Might try that myself as am partially jealous too. Congrats Dan well deserved xxxx

Millions Of Atoms Man said...

Well done and well deserved. Congratulations!

Kitty Moore said...

Thank you for commenting on the article I put up! And thank you for the idea..being published would be you already know!

Kitty x

mo.stoneskin said...

Fame huh!? Who knew?! You beady chap, or was it beardy? Anyway, well done mate.

UberGrumpy said...

Way to go Dan - I'll look out for it

Lopez said...

Congratulations, Dan! That is amazing!!! Truly Truly Amazing!!! I am so happy for you (though sentiments are being sent 5 days late).

Lopez said...

I just finished reading your published article...I liked it! I also loved how I was reading it, knew the content I was reading, and my boss comes in to talk to me and my face turns bright red...that, of course, was after reading about a man seeing his get it.

i loved the knight rider part. LOL!

Nishant said...

Really great news!!

Work From Home

Dan said...

Kitty- Cheers my friendly!


Susan- It’s as cool as ice matey. Cool as ice.

Veggie Ninja- At no point did I mean to cast a negative vibe on the good people of Scotland. Drunkards that they may be.....

That Gal Kiki- Cheers love!

Eva- Will be done as soon as I get paid.

Hope- Nothing will tempt our friendly Hasslehoff off his beach.

Miss OT- I hope you got smashed in my honour.

Kato- Thanks matey!

Mapstew- I'm high fiving you abck1

Matt- Thanks bud, that means a lot.

Sharon- I was too shy too. Plus she might have hated it.

Doc- Cheers Doc. Heres hoping! And don't let Veggie Ninja hear you say that about the Scots.

f8hasit- Finding one in the gutter did make me chuckle. Everyone’s a critic, huh?

Stephanie- Thanks matey. I was dead chuffed (can you tell?)

Mama Zen- Thank you. And welcome as well.

Jinksy- I'm sure the words you use are perfect.

Kate- You should try it matey. Something like your blog would really work.

MOAM- Get on there! Seriously, you would go down a storm. Some of your articles are hilarious.

Kitty- More than welcome love. And from the looks of it, your piece is doing really well.

Mo- Beady sounds good?

UG- Cheers UG

Lopez- Now that has just made my day. Probably more so than getting published. You must have gone soooooo red?

Nishant- Thank you matey.

Sarah Louise said...

Hi Dan, I love your writing, and congratulations on getting printed! Great feeling.

I'll be popping back to your blog, and hope to see more on the blogpaper.

Anonymous said...

I read that article just the way you have a fantastic imagination. Your writing is brilliant. Really enjoy reading your posts!

ladytruth said...

Super dooper Congratulations, Dan! Nothing really compares to seeing your name and your work in print! I guess it might feel like giving birth? The whole proud-to-have-produced-such-a-wonderful-thing thing :) Congratulations once again! May this be the first of many more seeing-your-name-and-words-in-print-moments!