Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Working Nine To Five..........

I got an email from the BBC yesterday, sadly they have declined my application for the trainee journalist role. I did indulge myself in a little lip wobble on the train home when I read this on my iPhone, but to be honest, I wasn’t really expecting to get the role, so it wasn’t really any surprise. Shame really, I would have been bloody good at it.

Nevertheless, that bad news didn’t take the shine off my puppy party yesterday. It rocked to almost monumental levels. A few new faces turned up to join in the canine fun. I am no good with dog breeds (I get them all mixed up), so I will go with descriptions.

Old hand Alfie was there (small, furry, rag doll body). He spent a good portion of the hour sitting in my lap, licking my chin. I like Alfie. Daisy (small, curly, possible Labradoodle) was new, so she was a little bit nervous at first, but soon got into the swing of things. Josh (small, furry, stringy looking, big ears) started off playing well enough, but then progressed to mounting Peggy by the shoulders, and then valiantly attempted to have vigorous sex with her head. Kates and I didn’t know whether to laugh, or be slightly offended that our little princess was being violated in that way. We just both nervously tittered in the end. Josh just carried on thrusting away. He had stamina, I'll give him that.

It looks like I have some work over Christmas. I am going to be working in one of London's premier department stores to help with the Christmas rush. Not what I had in mind, and a few months ago, I would have probably got all precious about it and said no, but after many months of living the hermit life indoors, and quietly going insane, well, beggars can’t be choosers. Plus it means after dramatically declaring, Alan Rickman style, that, “Christmas is cancelled!” to Kates, I can now go and buy some presents.

The issue that I really have with it is that yet again, I seem to have found myself in a role that involves dealing with the general public on a daily basis. As I discussed a few posts ago, I am not really a “people” person. My ideal job would be me, sitting alone in a room, maybe surrounded by some monkeys. And yet all throughout my working life, I seem to have found myself in public facing positions. I have been shop assistants, branch managers, financial advisors, its like God is punishing me for something, and I am at a loss as to what it is? You start out in one role, and seem to follow suit with a similar one all your life. Every effort to try and do something different has met with a rejection. Net result for me when having to work with the public is probably similar to asking an acrophobic to go and count all the grains of sand in the Sahara desert. It leaves you with a throbbing headache, the urge to kill someone, and the wish to go hide in the cupboard.

“Why on earth do you want to join the Police when you hate people?” Kates asked me about a year ago when I first started my application, long before the rejection letter due to sub-standard hearing came winging its merry way to me.

The simple truth is, I wanted to do something worthwhile, something that actually meant something, and didn’t involve working my backside off to make somebody else a lot of money.

Plus, if any of the public annoyed me, I could hit them with my truncheon.

Yeah, whatever mate. So what if I mugged that old granny. I’m only 15. You can’t touch me, innit?”

*Pulls out truncheon*

TWONK!

Ow!”

Yeah, I’ve had 98 pints of lager in the pub. I’m a 48 year old man who should know better. I’m now going to tell you what I think of the Police before driving home. You’re all scum! Scum, the lot of you!”

TWONK! TWONK!

Excuse me Mr Policeman. Can you help me get my kitten out of the tree?”

TWONK! TWONK! TWONK!

(I am, of course, joking. I love cats).

When I worked in banking, my survival strategy for dealing with the public was to retreat to my own private Narnia within my head. So when they were sat across my desk, more than likely moaning about something that was entirely their own fault, I would have a beautiful smile played out over my face as I frolicked with Mr Tumnus in the snow, giggling to myself as he threw snowballs at my head.

That might be the reason why I am not in banking anymore?

Saying that though, I am grateful to be having some kind of work. In the current market, any job is a blessing. It will also give me something to write about on here. It has been hard thinking of stuff to post about, seeing as I’m not really doing anything at the moment.

Monday- Had cheese sandwich.

Tuesday- Went from living room, to kitchen.

Wednesday- Longed for the excitement of Monday.

Plus, perhaps you could all run a sweepstake on how long it will take before my eye starts twitching, and I mentally scamper back to the safety of my mind Narnia due to someone asking me where the shoe department was, whilst they stand there, surrounded by shoes, because they indeed were standing in the shoe department.  

I’d say about 27 minutes.

12 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

Glad you at least have work for a while. Hope the position of your dreams comes your way soon.

Midnitefyrfly said...

I can't wait to hear about it! I am not a people person either and might have a panic attack if I had to work in a STORE around the HOLIDAYS! whew you brave hungry soul!

I always get through days dealing with people by repeating "This is a Character building experience"

I'm sure there will be many stories to be told. Hope something more desirable presents itself for you :)

Alice in Wonderland said...

Thinking of you, Dan, and hope that something really good turns up for you soon! They say that we are out of the recession now, but that is just Fairy Stories! Christmas will be cancelled for a lot of people this year.
Stiff upper lip, old chap! And all that stuff!
Big Hugs!

Matthew said...

I have a plan. Forget working the winter, jump on a plane and come to the beach with me. :)

Ellie said...

You should totally hang out in Australia for the summer. We actually have summers.

hope said...

I've always doubted the IQ of the BBC's judgment. Obviously, you're a man with better things to do in his future. Taking the high road [not THAT kind of high] I'll congratulate you on finding funding for Kate's Christmas gifts. And when all else fails with the fickle public, well, think of all the wonderful stories you'll be able to share with us. :) And we'll be sympathetic... after we finish giggling.

If that fails, you're in charge of Grouch Fest 2009. I've had several folks express interest. You started us on this Quest, so you get to be the Grand Poo Bah, ruling over our organized chaos. And yes, bring the truncheon.

JenJen said...

Dear Crankypants,
Totally rude and bullshit that you got an invite to Matthew's abode and not me.
Ms. JenJen

Long dark hair, blue eyes said...

Yes working with Ma and Pa Public is always fun. When I worked for a department store years ago we referred to them as "the great unwashed".

f8hasit said...

If you're working retail for the holiday, you're going to need more than Mr. Tumnus to keep a smile on your face.
Good luck to you!

And..um, I wear a 39 narrow if you have something fab. in black with a high heel.
:-)

WhisperingWriter said...

Watch out for the Christmas Crazies while working in the store. Some people go nuts over the holidays.

Dan. said...

Eva- Thanks matey, appreciate that.

Midnitefyrfly- I do think that if I was sent to hell, it would probably be a department store. Will keep you informed what goes on when I start. Keep watching the skies......

Alice- We English can do stiff upper lip. I will do this for Queen and country. Thanks matey.

Matt- I will send you my bank details, just pop the money for the airline ticket in there and I'm over buddy!

Ellie- See above comment. Thanks for stopping over!

Hope- Grouch Fest? I'm the King? Where do I sign up? I'm there!

JenJen- Don't knock our Bromance. He's Patrick Swayze, I'm Keanu Reeves. This is Point Break....

Long dark hair, blue eyes- I refer to them as something else, but I won’t repeat it on here.

f8hasit- Wrong department love, I'm aiming for lingerie.

WW- Some people? Go on, admit it WW. You mean you, don't you?

thatgalkiki said...

Can't wait to read about your adventures. Remember -- the customer is always a pain in the ass. I mean right.